The Endless Wait

As I approach 41 weeks in this seemingly never-ending pregnancy, I find myself full of self-doubt and worry…and physical ailments that make me feel like a pathetic version of myself.  Will labor ever start?  Will I be strong enough to get through it?  How long will my body take to heal afterward?  What will my baby look like?  Will she be healthy?

Meanwhile, I am struggling with an ever-growing list of pregnancy woes:

  • SPD (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction) – aka severe pelvic pain.  I began developing this pain around 32 weeks and thought there was no way I would be able to cope with the remaining 10 weeks of pregnancy.  The first time I felt it, SPD gave me the sensation that my pelvis was literally cracking in half.  I couldn’t walk without causing 9/10 pain (I would say 10/10, but as a rule of thumb, I always assume there is something more painful out there).  After some careful research, I found a few ways to cope with the pain and have been able to [mainly] keep it in check.  However, it’s still a constant background discomfort that flares from time to time.  In fact, the pain always seems to peak in the middle of the night as I try to turn over in bed from one side to the other.
  • PUPPP/PUPPS (Pruritic Urticarial Papules and Plaques of Pregnancy) – aka the itchiest rash EVER.  Thankfully, I have a mild case that did not begin until week 39.  But, regardless of its severity relative to other mothers out there, it has been an increasingly difficult problem for me as I face the home stretch before baby comes.  Basically, PUPPP is a cruel skin condition that tends to affect first time moms, is more common in moms carrying boys (70% of cases), and targets stretch marks.  Yup, as if stretch marks aren’t bad enough on their own, PUPPP basically causes an intense eruption of itchy blisters within the stretch marks, themselves.  And, in many cases, PUPPP then goes on to involve the arms, legs, torso, etc.  One of the hallmark features is that it spares the belly button and face, but that’s not much of a consolation for women who are experiencing constant discomfort from this awful rash.
  • Sleeplessness.  I am literally going to pull my hair out if I hear one more person say “make sure you stock up on sleep now because you won’t get anymore once the baby comes.”  I think the worst part about this expression is that it’s almost always other moms who say it!  They should know better.  In the final weeks of pregnancy, if you can get 3-4 hours of sleep a night, it feels like a win.  Between the mental angst that keeps you awake at night worrying about all the things that could go wrong (When was the last time the baby moved?!  Is that contraction the beginning of labor?) and the inability to find a comfortable position, sleep honestly feels like a distant memory at this point.  I want desperately to use this time before baby comes to “catch up on sleep,” but the reality is that I. Just. Can’t.
  • Lower extremity edema – aka leg swelling.  This is by far the least of my worries.  If I’ve been on my feet a lot during the day, it’s now a given that my calves will blend into my ankles and become the most glorious of all anatomical anomalies:  the dreaded cankle.  But the good news is that with compression stockings and leg elevation, the swelling seems to subside within 24 hours.

So.  What am I doing to get through this time?